If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
