Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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