There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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