I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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