At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
