I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
