Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
