I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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