Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
