just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
