plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
