tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
