Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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