i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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