TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The struggles of a small town man whore
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
