thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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