his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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