Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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