yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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