My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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