My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
