and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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