yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
