I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
