KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
