He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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