i just wanna soil my oats bro
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
