i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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