areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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