I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
