He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
