I puked a lego.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
