Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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