please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
