Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
