saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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