I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Blood and glitter go together right?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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