And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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