he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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