I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
