I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
