I can text with my tongue
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
