so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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