I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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