I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
