don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
