So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
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ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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