you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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