Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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