ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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