I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
