Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
