you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
