I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Say something about gay babies.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
