My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just tell him i said nine months
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I will pee on everything he values.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
