Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
