even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize