so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
