I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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